Personal Development

Resilience, How to find your new equilibrium

Life changes. Sometimes for the better, sometimes not so much. No matter how much change might have happened, there’s one thing you have control over even after the most harrowing of experiences: how you respond. How you choose to respond to mistakes you’ve made in the past, false ideas about yourself and generally hardship and difficulty. How you respond is up to you, and actually, you’ve got it. It’s simple, and if you put your focus on the right place, sometimes it might even be easy.

 

Now, practically, the first step to bouncing back is to decide to bounce back. Right now in this moment if you’ve been holding on to anything from the past, nursing any wounds or feelings of inadequacy, you can make the choice to face it, to let it go, and to move to the next stage in your life using whatever words you like. These are the ones I choose: I want to bounce back, baby! I want to overcome any doubts and fears whenever and wherever they arise. I want to be happy. I want to be fresh and free. And I’m going to be. I’m going to work hard at trusting in myself, at working hard, at finding that core of peace inside myself and living there all the time.

 

What’s your new stable state going to look like? What’s the environment you want to surround yourself with? How do you want to grow and become stronger? How do you want to face your fears? The answer is never clear cut, because you’ve got to take the first step. But you can. Whatever might be holding you back is simply a hurdle. If it doesn’t kill your body or your spirit, they will become stronger and stronger. Here’s my plan, I’m sharing it as a mix of inspiration for you and motivation for me:

 

Bounce Back. Be Kind. Believe in yourself. External world: Live in a chill place near nature and near to a community of serious meditation practitioners. Work an online writing job for flexibility and also enjoyment – write new, interesting pieces. Explore developing side projects like Flourisch. Try new things like learning clarinet or joining a karate class, become more self-sufficient and independent – comfortable to just relax in my own company. Enjoy yourself and find beauty in each day. Meditate as much as pushes the comfort zone.

Internal word: Look for strength and peace. Everything I need I have right here, just remember that over and over and over and over again. Focus on a single thing, and focus on it again.

Sometimes what makes us resilient is actually just acting resiliently. Instead of hoping to feel comfortable knowing what I can and cannot control, act comfortable, be comfortable, look for the peace in a moment. Each and every day might be the last one any of us has. It can be as easy as taking one breath in this moment to remember that. Make the most of right now. That is my stable state, that’s what it looks like to me, and that’s what I’m working towards.

What’s your stable state? Write it down. If you’re in it now, why don’t you try pushing your comfort zone. I recommend meditation. Scientifically and spiritually backed to open you up to deeper peace and happiness than you might ever have experienced.

Now, let’s talk more about equilibrium:

Everything you learn about everything gets stored in your brain somewhere, depending on how you learned about it. When there’s an emotional attachment to something you’ve learned or experienced, it tends to stick, like an “I’ll remember that moment for the rest of my life” kind of thing. Each of these has an impact on your collection of thoughts and feelings, sometimes with a mixture (depending on how you choose to move forward). Each time some kind of major change or highly emotional event occurs in your life there needs to be a period of rest, resettling, and balancing to create a new stable state. This stabilisation can be helped with conscious effort. Each moment is actually an opportunity, given to us to question who we really are and what we might be able to offer to life to enrich the experience.

Another way to look at it is to say that each moment shows a different kind of battlefield. If you pay attention to your thoughts you’ll know what I mean, they are constantly changing from moment to moment. The sensations in the body, too, are in a constant flux. In order to achieve your goals, in order to pursue anything successfully, be it material or spiritual, you’ve got to fight the very first battle the battle happening right now, in order to fight the next one, and the next one and the next one. Sometimes the battle requires power, sometimes grace, but only one battle can wage in any given moment. Many battles can be won through simple action without reaction. Striving towards your goals without reacting. But what about the moments of doubt? The moments when you react before you’ve realised it? These are the bigger battles, the battles of getting back on your feet and trying again. Of saying “I know I failed, but I’m going to try again because this goal is still important to me. No matter what anyone might have said, no matter how badly or stupidly I messed up, I’m going to keep kicking, because I believe in something, and that something is going to fill my heart with the courage to live a life I can be proud of. Each small failure becomes a small victory. That’s why each battle counts, cause it is representative of every battle you will face. If you give up when it’s small, you will give up when it’s big, so know that the richness of fear in this moment is only the call to stand up and fight another day. This is the only measure of your success, your attitude, your grit, is going to determine your success. Perseverance towards a particular goal. Write it down. Write it again. Live it, breathe it. What’s the thing worth having in this life? Will it really make you happy? What if it’s not the having but the being that makes us happy?

I think being happy now, being content with what is, is the definition of happiness. So why would I push so hard for goals, fighting battles and fulfilling ideals? Because we’re human, it’s what we do. Life is about making life better. It’s admirable, it’s necessary, even. Heck if we weren’t fighting as hard as we are about this climate situation we’d be a lot more screwed than we are. So? So fight. So push. So strive. Push to be peaceful, to be present. Push for the future goals because you can. Push to live a life that is a journey, a battle of peace, a long, ambling walk that turns into a run and a skip and back to a walk. Strive for whatever it is that brings you life and happiness. Comment on what that is for you.

 

A poem

Who do I write to, is it you or I?

What do I write for, will it hurt when I die?

Why do I write, whose opinions do I share?

Why do I live, is it just cause I care?

Screw all these questions, I just want to write!

I’mgoing to express myself no matter what!

Sometimes in words, sometimes in silence, but no-one can never not not be an island.

To answer some of the poem’s questions: I’m writing as part of my own bouncing back, moving forward and making myself new. If you found this article at all helpful or interesting or motivating, or you just feel like being kind and giving a gift, it would really help me out a lot. On my journey to get on my feet and set myself up with a new place and do some website building, writing, and life building in general I would like to ask for some help. I figure that I better use this time as wisely as I can, so any amount will help me get back on my feet.

If any individual wishes to give me anything more than $20, please give half of it to: //secure.givewell.org/?charity=malaria_consortium

Any donations to me please go to PayPal.me/Flourisch 

 

Much love,

Josh Mason

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