I really love writing. I love writing because it makes me feel as though I can share what’s in my brain with you, like I can help you, or teach you things. Unfortunately, the truth is that I can’t. I get catharsis from writing, sure, and maybe some of my ideas will eventually help someone, but it’s less up to me than I would like to believe. It’s up to you. And even so, if there’s a hidden part of yourself that doesn’t want to open itself, it won’t unless you really push it.
There are pockets, subconscious pockets of hidden clinging. They are filled with our pain from the past, they are condensed and pressed down into the foundations of who we are so deeply that we forget. We become blinded to them. We don’t realise that every part of our being is built upon this pain, this bitterness and suffering. School, jobs, drugs, parties, relationships, aspirations – we use them all to distract ourselves from the truth.
But none of these words matter. None of them will get through to you. Not unless you’re really open to them. I have no power over that openness. I’d like to be able to help everyone open themselves to their own hearts and to the world. But words are frail. Words have such strength to change the world, and yet if we are closed, they become meaningless.
I can’t truly convince you of anything unless you have experienced it for yourself. I want to show you. I want to be shown. I’m just as blind as you are. I’m hiding everything inside just as much as everyone. I’m just as terrified as you. That’s why this journey exists – to terrify us, and to rock our foundations so the pain starts to bubble out in fits and starts until the flow seems like it will never end.
This article is vague, it’s not practical, it’s not giving you any tips or ways to challenge yourself, it just is. It’s telling you that this blog is useless unless you use it. It’s vague because sometimes certain things can’t be put into words, sometimes analysis and categorisation overwhelm the more important things: being aware and actually experiencing.
The difficult thing about blindness is that you can’t see it. I can describe it all I want while you search through your life experiences in order to see what you can’t and you’ll never reach through. Your subconscious mind too powerfully protects the conscious to let that happen unless it’s induced through particular experiences. Sometimes those experiences might be enough, sometimes they might not be – it depends on how tough your walls are and how open you are to breaking them down.
On arriving at a new experience you can prepare yourself to discover a new blindness, you can sunder yourself to the totality of reality.
This world has been constructed by analysers and thinkers to create more analysers and thinkers, when really what we need are people who can recognise their feelings. Feelings are what connect our conscious mind to the subconscious, they are the clues to understanding how we’ve been conditioned, and then how we can respond positively to that conditioning, perhaps even to decondition ourselves.